


Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give A Spam

by TheRogueHuntress



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crack, Food Fight, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 11:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4665015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRogueHuntress/pseuds/TheRogueHuntress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avengers High School AU. </p><p>They start a food fight. Coulson is not pleased. </p><p>Just a one-shot I had to get off my chest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give A Spam

“Food fight?” Coulson said into his comm, while walking briskly to the cafeteria.

“Food fight,” Hill confirmed. The screams grew louder as he turned a corner and pushed through double doors to stand next to Hill. They both surveyed the battle field and he rubbed his eyes wearily. It was the Avengers. It was always the Avengers.

“This is the second one this week,” he said. She nodded an affirmative, never dropping her gaze from the fight.

Barton, predictably, was perched on a rafter with a bag of peas, precisely nailing every single one of his targets with a peashooter that was definitely not standard issue. Coulson had yet to figure out exactly how the boy got up there, and every time he asked Barton snarked various answers at him, varying from apparition to circus tricks.

Rogers, bless him, Coulson knew he was Head Boy for a reason, was trying to talk sense into his class mates, until mashed potato splatted across his chest.

“Lighten up Captain Tightpants,” Stark crowed. Rogers wiped it from his shirt before growling and launching an apple pie with surprising speed and accuracy in retaliation. The pie smacked Stark right in the face, and he blinked in amazement as glazed apples dripped off his nose, obviously not expecting return fire. He wisely retreated behind Banner, who no one dared threaten, as they built a catapult from Popsicle sticks and spaghetti. Romanov was up close and personal with Barnes, both attempting to cover the other with angel delight, displaying surprising feats of agility to avoid airborne food. Thor was using his hammer as a bat, laughing heartily to himself as food wildly sprayed the room, hitting both Avengers and other pupils indiscriminately, most of which had set up a barricade behind some tables. Coulson thought that he could detect an air of resignation from Head Girl Pepper Potts, who was busy tapping away at tablet, undoubtedly planning her revenge on her boyfriend. He winced as she glared at Stark, who was obliviously catapulting chocolate mousse at Barton. Parker was stuck to the ceiling, using the opportunity to steal everyone’s pudding.

One piece of broccoli made it through a green translucent energy shield to land right in the middle of its owner’s forehead. Loki narrowed his eyes and hissed.

“I am burdened with glorious purpose.” With a wave of his hands a whole fridge worth’s of food was dumped unceremoniously on Thor’s head. A rogue tub of ice cream was upended over Barton, who grinned, and began licking it off his tactical gear.

“I think we need to get them started on some team bonding activities,” Coulson said.

“Are you kidding?” Hill said as Romanov and Barnes, having reached a truce, snuck round Banner to cover Stark head to toe in whipped cream. He squealed, and Parker took advantage of the distraction to swipe their stockpile of mousse pots.

“This is better than anything we force them to do,” she said. Coulson sighed, pulled up a chair and began taking notes.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading. Find me on [tumblr](https://theroguehuntress.tumblr.com/) if you wanna chat, or feel free to comment!


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